Sunday, April 29, 2007
Expectations
I am sick of trying to live up to the expectations that people have set for me. I am tired of trying to be the person that acquaintances expect me to be and I am even more tired of being the person that people who are close to me expect me to be. In some cases, this becomes all the more frustrating when expectations that people have are based on ones I have set for myself and shared with them. I want to be real with people without feeling judged by them when I do something wrong. I'm not a perfect Christian-no one is, but a lot of the time we like to act like we are when we are with each other. I'm not saying that Christians shouldn't seek to glorify God with the way that they act or that I don't believe in accountability. I'm just saying this so I can work through it.
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3 comments:
Jessie ... what you're saying is kinda resonating with how I have been feeling lately but maybe a little different. Been feeling like non-Christians see me a certain way and then Christians see me a certain way ... I just want everyone to see me all the same ... just Marianna ... just want to be transparent to all ... I am tired of the "expectations", the "walls", any "fakeness", etc.
Do you think it's possible that these feelings of being judged are coming from you rather than other people? Maybe they aren't actually judging you and you just think they are because you've fallen short of a standard you've set for yourself. You're actually judging yourself - conciously or subconciously.
I know some people who really do suspend judgement when I share with them. Other people don't and it is those people who make me feel like I always need to live up to this standard. I definitely think that I judge myself too, but I don't think that feeling judged by certain people in my life is all in my head. I'm not talking about just one particular instance.
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