Expectations

I am sick of trying to live up to the expectations that people have set for me. I am tired of trying to be the person that acquaintances expect me to be and I am even more tired of being the person that people who are close to me expect me to be. In some cases, this becomes all the more frustrating when expectations that people have are based on ones I have set for myself and shared with them. I want to be real with people without feeling judged by them when I do something wrong. I'm not a perfect Christian-no one is, but a lot of the time we like to act like we are when we are with each other. I'm not saying that Christians shouldn't seek to glorify God with the way that they act or that I don't believe in accountability. I'm just saying this so I can work through it.

Summer News

I'm going to be beach captain at First Lake again this year! All my friends got beach captain too. I'm happy with how it all worked out. Especially since I got a 2$ raise :). I'm also kinda disappointed because I had so much fun last summer, I feel like this summer won't compare. Maybe it will.

My 21st Birthday!

I had a fabulous birthday party last Wednesday! Me and my girls starred in our own independent local film, ate waaaay too much at our make-shift picnic, and snuggled up for a movie. Just wait to see the video! Anyone who has seen my Canada flag purse will be happy to know that it is retired as of that night.

Thanks for everything sexy mamas!

Here's one of many photos of our C4C Bible study group (refer to Facebook)! Yummy dessert, conversation, and pretty pictures. Have a good summer ladies! Kelley, we'll miss you!!

Helloooo Summer!

Monday
Today was my last exam! The last one in the last possible time. I'm done! Our exam had a streaker. He yelled something and then ran across the bleachers wearing a zorro mask! His attempt to use some coverage to preserve a shred of modesty failed pretty quickly. I clapped, I'll admit it. Everyone else did too. It wasn't just me. Most of us thought it was pretty funny. If a guy does something like that, it's funny. If a girl ever did, totally slutty...or at least not funny. Mom and I decided this today. I'm not sure why things work this way. Maybe I shouldn't find it funny at all...I did though. A perfect way to celebrate: a new season of The Bachelor. He's growing on me, though he's still very Ken doll. The best guy was a few seasons ago. I'm a sucker for this show...because I really want to see if they will fall in love. And I like to decide who is best for him.

Tuesday
On the agenda:
-go for a run
-get taxes done
-buy new glasses and sunglasses
-dessert with my favourite Dal girls

Wednesday
On the agenda:
-go for a run
-day off work
-celebrate my birthday with my best buddies

I'm liking the looks of this post-exam time.

Favourite People at the Pool

1. The well-dressed mom (who cursed front crawl in front of a whole class of 7-9 year olds).

2. My adult private lesson (who is taking lessons for the first time so she can swim on her honeymoon in Cuba).

3. The cute little boy (who tried to tickle my foot by sticking his toes between the bottom of my foot and my flip flop and wiggling them).

Yo Mama

This is what happens to our "sweet" Rebekah when she is in the middle of the exam period ;):

Jess says (10:38 PM):
I think your computer needs to get with it

Jess says (10:39 PM):
with the program, if you will

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
no...yours hates me

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
it's because i tried to give you a "nudge"

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
and it said it wouldn't work

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
i think you need to get with the program

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
your face needs to get with the program

*bek* says (10:39 PM):
:P

*bek* says (10:40 PM):
your mom needs to get with the program

*bek* says (10:40 PM):
oh my, that's the first mom joke i've ever made

Toots

I was called "toots" for the first time today by a waiter. So was Deborah. It's better than "ma'am", I suppose. We weren't quite sure what to make of that.

Toots (n.) (slang)
-an affectionate or familiar term of address; honey; sweetie; baby (sometimes offensive or considered derogatory when used to strangers, casual acquaintances, subordinates, etc., especially by a male to a female).
-comes from the candy Tootsie Roll.

I'm pretty much super offended ;). I wonder what it means if you call a guy "toots"...maybe I'll try it and see what happens.

Hints

are in the comments section of "Top 40" ;).

First Nite Back at the Pool

"Jessie, welcome back! It's so nice to see you!": 4
"You're a God send!": 1
"Well, well, if it isn't my least favourite person in the world!": 1
Dead man walking: 1
Overall experience: 8

Top 40

I saw this on Amarea's and Megha's blogs and I think it's a fun idea. These are the first lines of 40 songs on my playlist or on playlists gone by. Everyone is welcome to try guessing the songs and the artists. No search engines allowed! I'll highlite ones that are right in a special colour. Enjoy!

1. Hot summer streets and the pavements are burning...(Cruel Summer - Ace of Base)
2. Nobody wanna see us together... (Don't Matter - Akon)
3. Oh, when you walk by every night...(Mariah Carey - Fantasy)
4. You're not alone, together we stand...(Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne)
5. What started as a whisper, slowly turned to a scream...(Amen Omen- Ben Harper)
6. Under twenty thousand tons of brick and stone, she carries all the weight of her own world...(Brave Saint Saturn - Resistor)
7. You tell me you're in love with me...(Sometimes-Britney Spears)
8. She was driving last Friday...(Jesus Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood)
9. As I rest against this cold, hard wall, will you pass me by? (Strong Enough-Stacie Orrico)
10. Your subtleties, they strangle me... (It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects)
11. Lying in my bed, hear the clock tick, and think of you...(Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper)
12. Oh no go get your guns, we'll all fight like cowboys and pray like nuns...(Stabilo - Don't Look In Their Eyes)
13. Separated, I cut myself clean...(Jesus Freak - DcTalk)
14. Where are we? (Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap)
15. In a field of yellow flowers, underneath the sun...(Five Iron Frenzy - Dandelions)
16. I saw you in the hallway...(FM Static - Hold Me Twice)
17. I'll sing it one last time for you, then we really have to go...(Run- Snow Patrol)
18. Story of my life, searching for the right...(Unfaithful- Rhianna)
19. You said to the world, the lost will be found...(Take It All-Hillsong United)
20. Ladies up in here tonight...(Hips Don't Lie - Shakira)
21. I walked across an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand...(Somewhere Only We Know- Keane)
22. He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme...(Beautiful Disaster- Kelly Clarkson)
23. What day is it, and in what month...(You and Me- Lifehouse)
24. Is it getting better? (One - U2)
25. Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time...(Don't Stop Me Now - Queen)
26. Rising up, back on the street...(Eye of the Tiger-Survivor)
27. I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh...(Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee)
28. My yesterdays are all boxed up, and neatly put away...(Always On Your Side-Sheryl Crow and Sting)
29. Tell you where you need to go, tell you who you need to be...(On Fire - Switchfoot)
30. Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show, I laced the track, you locked the flow...(I'll Be Missing You-Puff Daddy feat. Faith Evans)
31. Making my way downtown...(Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles)
32. What you want, baby I got it...(Respect - Arethra Franklin)
33. I walk to the edge again, searching for the truth...(12 Stones - Stay)
34. A slap in the face, and I can't erase the things that you say...(Billy Talent - Sympathy)
35. Seems like it was yesterday, when I saw your face...(Hurt - Christina Aguilara)
36. Tiredness fuels empty thoughts, I find myself disposed...(Eskimo-Damien Rice)
37. Hope dangles on a string...(Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional)
38. Now that you're out of my life, I'm so much better...(Survivor - Destiny's Child)
39. The strands in your eyes, that colour them wonderful...(I'll Be - Edwin McCain)
40. I've waited, and given the chance again, I'd do it all the same...(Ashes - Embrace)

Summer Options

1. Working at the pool for the Spring Session part time.
I wanted full time hours, but I can't justify starting somewhere and then quitting at the beginning of July. This one is decided.
Question: Have my subtle demands to only teach in the big pool worked?

2. Volunteering at HCA for May and June to get some teaching experience.
This is also pretty much decided.
Question: Does the principal love me as much as I like to think she does?

3. Volunteering as a reading tutor at the public library in the North End.
This is very much in the idea stage.
Question: Can I hold my own on Gottigen?

4. Volunteering at a local public school for May and June.
I may approach them for next school year. I know someone who teaches there. I haven't actually talked to her in 3 years.
Question: Can I implement the uniform system there so I feel more at home?

5. Working at the beach for July and August.
It's in the bag.
Question: Will this year be as awesome as last year???

6. Fall in love.
It's always on my list of things to do. Above get perfect skin and below solve the problems in the Middle East.
Question: Is he man enough to be my man?

Tide to Go!

I tested out my brand new Tide to Go pen today. I had heard amazing things about this little contraption, but I had a hard time believing that it would make tough food stains magically disappear. So I never really believed people when they told stories about how great it was.

I went out to Cora's with some girls from my small group and I secretly hoped that someone would spill something on their shirts so we could test out the Tide to go. Some raspberry juice splattered on Keitra's crisp white shirt and I waited patiently for a pause in the conversation so I could whip out my Tide to go. Actually, the second I noticed the bright, ruby red stains, I got the pen out. Then I had to vulturishly wait for a minute or two to point the stains out.

Keitra used the pen and the stains didn't go away. My doubts were confirmed and I knew it was too good to be true. We kept talking, Keitra crossed her arms in front of her shirt, and we all forgot about the stains. As it was time to leave, Keitra moved her arms to put on her coat and the stains were gone!! Disappeared! As if they were never there. Amazing! We were all mystified.

Now I'm suspicious about what is inside these pens. What does the term "biodegradable cleaning agents" really mean?

Tunes

There's nothing like Jessica Simpson in the morning.
I'm stepping out for my last day of classes (a public affair).

Timing

Our pastor made an announcement in church today about a missions trip that a university student in our congregation is going on. Michael goes to school in Ontario and he is going to Tanzania with Campus for Christ this spring. I've never actually met him, but I've heard lots about him. His mom told me about his acceptance to the project a week or two ago, so I already knew that he was going. However, when I heard it announced to everyone, it made me realize the extent of what I have been consciously and maybe subconsciously feeling for the last few months.

I've wanted to go to Tanzania, Africa ever since I heard about the annual missions trip a couple years ago. Out of all the projects that Campus for Christ does, this one just stands out. I feel drawn to it for some reason. I want to go and share Christ with the people there. I feel like I will go, it's just a matter of when. I was seriously considering going this year, because it would have worked out perfectly with my work schedule. This was the first year that I really thought I may go. Some family things came up, and I know that this isn't the right time for me to go. I thought I was okay with that. When the pastor talked about the details of the trip and asked the congregation to come together, stand behind Michael to send him out, and support him financially and in prayer, I suddenly felt really jealous. He's going on my trip. This year, a bunch of people from Campus for Christ at my school have gone on spring break projects or are going on summer ones. It seems like this is the year that everyone is going somewhere. He's going on my trip, this year.

I know that timing matters for something like this and I really want to trust God's timing in my life. It's not my right to go when I think I should go. God hasn't committed an injustice against me because I'm not going this year. I have a mission field around me right now, so I can serve God where I'm at. I don't want to go ahead of God's calling and do something on my own. Maybe I will never go, and that's okay. I confessed my bad attitude to God and I even prayed for Michael and his trip this afternoon. I trust that God knows what he is doing, even though it doesn't seem fair to me at the moment.

I don't feel completely better yet, but I think I will soon.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

My First Book

We just finished reading Whylah Falls by George Elliott Clarke in my Literary Landmarks class. It is a novel that throws together narratives, poems, pictures, and newspaper articles to tell a story. It's kind of fragmented like TS Eliot's The Waste Land, but easier to understand. I really like it and I would love to hear George Elliot Clarke read parts of it someday! He is a graduate of Dal who was born in the Valley and teaches at U of T now.

As I was getting ready for my tutorial on it, I was thinking of different ways to make the storyline of a novel and I got an idea. Wouldn't it be cool to make a story out of fictional MSN conversations? They would have to be about meaningful things. Actually! The serious conversations could be juxtaposed with random, unimportant ones. Conversations like this could be included:

-a guy telling his buddy about how much he likes this girl
-the guy and the girl chatting while they are just friends
-the guy talking to a friend or an acquaintance about everyday things
-the girl telling her best friend about a fight she had with her mom
-the guy telling the girl that he likes her and the girl telling the guy that she likes him back
-the girl talking to other people about totally unrelated things during that conversation
-the girl copying and pasting part of their conversation when she tells her best friend about it
-the guy and girl chatting while they are dating
-a few conversations that show things getting tense between the guy and the girl
-a post-break up conversation or fight
-the girl telling her best friend about how much she misses the guy
-a few conversations between the guy and the girl which show how the guy and the girl drift apart

There could even be conversations between other characters to create multiple story lines. The character's MSN names could change as the story goes on and their different display pictures (which would also be changing as the story progresses) could be artistically placed in certain parts of the text. There could also be clips from websites, Postsecret, and blog entries in the novel to help tell the story or emphasize an idea. I'd be tempted to make the conversations have correct grammar and spelling, but I don't think that would be a very good representation of the MSN culture.

I think you may have had to read and like Whylah Falls to understand how excited this idea makes me. Maybe I'll do it someday.

News

My inner spy is pleased to make the announcement that I am an official mystery shopper! I just got my acceptance email. I don't quite know what the job entails, but I'm looking forward to going undercover and making the wide world of buying and selling a better place for everyone in the land!

Big Girls Don't Cry

The reason that I don't have a favourite song is because of a bad habit I have. Once I like a song, I just listen to it again and again. I over-indulge and then I get sick of it. My favourite song right now is by Fergie. This is the best part. I imagine a cute little boy who eats mud and a sweet little girl with a pink bow in her hair who become friends when they are kids and fall in love as they grow up.

"Like the little school mate in the school yard,
We'll play jacks and Uno cards.
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine, Valentine.
Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to,
Cause I want to hold yours too.
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds."


http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Fergie/Big-Girls-Don-t-Cry.html

It's On!

5 friends. 4 beach captains. 3 beaches.

Notable Quote

My brother Josh, on his recent relationship termination:

"Yes Jessie, I can talk to her about this over MSN! All I have to do is change my font to a serious font and not use emoticons."